July 18th :
Yesterday was the most horrifying and sad day of my life. In the morning after talking to dad who was home with the doc I left for work. Conversation with dad was limited that the meds are started and that he will rest at home till he recovers from his pneumonia and then he will be back to work. I saw Sam's and Avni's missed call. I called Sam and he said dad was in hospital. It was a matter of 4 hrs since I talked to dad. Ashish Bhai joined line and said that v guys should come soon but he did not say anything else. I knew it was serious but that thought did not strike me. I called Amit and he just said that dr said he is no more. Still in shock stage mind was not ready to believe and I felt there may be some hope...prayed real hard to god that " please just 1 last chance"...please...pleaded and pleaded....however with life there is no 2nd chance... Nobody will say that he is ok and alive.. Those are the only words I was looking for. Right now I am writing from London airport... Only things which come to mind is how beautiful life was and suddenly a storm comes and shatters the house...we have to build our house back up...
Yesterday was the most horrifying and sad day of my life. In the morning after talking to dad who was home with the doc I left for work. Conversation with dad was limited that the meds are started and that he will rest at home till he recovers from his pneumonia and then he will be back to work. I saw Sam's and Avni's missed call. I called Sam and he said dad was in hospital. It was a matter of 4 hrs since I talked to dad. Ashish Bhai joined line and said that v guys should come soon but he did not say anything else. I knew it was serious but that thought did not strike me. I called Amit and he just said that dr said he is no more. Still in shock stage mind was not ready to believe and I felt there may be some hope...prayed real hard to god that " please just 1 last chance"...please...pleaded and pleaded....however with life there is no 2nd chance... Nobody will say that he is ok and alive.. Those are the only words I was looking for. Right now I am writing from London airport... Only things which come to mind is how beautiful life was and suddenly a storm comes and shatters the house...we have to build our house back up...
Arya and Reyna were talking to dad this morning Arya is told that dada is in hospital and mom and dad went to c him.. Her next question is. "Why"?
The biggest loss is for my daughters who are devoid of their dada's pure unconditional and unmatched love and pampering... And for my bau( niece) who did not get to see her dada..
I want to tell you all on how great a person he was. I can writes pages and pages on how he loved and celebrated life... And how his teachings will show us path on how to love and live.
He was a true family man.... He never missed any opportunity to be there when his family needed him. in fact he made sure he was there with us whenever it was possible for him. He told me that every summer vacation either I come to US or u send kids to India...Amit just received his US citizenship and we were planning to call them permanently so that they can stay with us forever. One thing we are truly blessed is that we got to spend so much time with him every year that he was pretty much involved in each and ever aspect of our lives.
All incidences are striking in my brain like a storm. .I want to write down each and everything to keep him alive in our lives but most importantly to keep his memories for my kids and for them to know that " their granddad was the best granddad in the whole universe"""....he was present at all their birthdays if possible... always asked us to celebrate them in a way that we will remember for life....so far we have done well and made each birthday a special one with him in just being present in all of them...he loved food...he traveled the whole world and always wanted us to see the whole world...he loved America and not because we lived here but because he found it to be a place where people are just and he wanted to have his kids and grandkids have a quality life. He did not tell us like all other parents in India who selfishly wish that their kids return back home. He was not a conventional dad at all...that is what made him so great...we visited many places together and he enjoyed the beauty of every place and found immense peace and pleasure in nature. In the morning after he drinks his tea he used to read books in our backyard.....he hears the noise of birds chirping/ water running through a small stream and said" ketlu saaru lage che.. which in Gujarati means' This feels so nice, this is heaven"....
On Halloween: he got a scary mask so that he can have fun on that day...he goes out for trick or treating with kids...him being another kid...he once also went to downtown to see how people dressed....he enjoyed all minute things in life which needed to be enjoyed.
He could spend hours in library....
He was like a kid...loved to go to park every evening with Arya and Reyna, ate lots of chocolates, hid some in secret containers in house to hide it from me...if I found one box and threw it in trash after few days a new one pops up from somewhere.
He wad my best buddy. First thing in the morning which wakes us up is his facetime/ google hangout to see Reyna brushing her teeth while he will be in his office...she will talk some and we hang up again...after shower Reyna goes to dining table to drink milk and as always dada counts till 10, or play chal chal chal mere haathi... or lakdi ki kaathi...songs and Reyna finishes hot milk...we talk some and get a super head start to the day. Last call happens in evening when he calls again after he wakes up and is having his tea/ breakfast. We talk about routine things/ discuss politics/ movie/ talk about my patients ( he loved to hear my patient stories) ironically the few days before he died he told me " Shweta you are blessed to encounter such unique experiences which not many get to experience....you need to write it down. if u don't have time just get a recorder and record them...I will write when I come there or u can hire somebody later to make a book out if this. Please continue and I will regularly keep pushing u to do that." He found the stories of the elderly patients who had so much gong in in their life still in the face of difficulty and how they cope up with everything, very inspiring. He loved to hear my patient stories on how the bond of love grew stronger as years passes in elderly folks. He told me once ' I feel that in spite of my difference with your mom, I love her the most and feel that the bond is getting stronger everyday now.'
My trip to India after my father-in-law passed was the worst trip of my life. we were on plane and there was an Iranian old lady sitting next to me. Seeing me crying and in pain she was concerned and offered me some paper napkin and asked what happened. After I told her what happened she told me ' WE do not have a choice... we don't we wish we had one but we don't. We have to accept it.'' after saying that she was almost in tears and told me that she lost her 10 year old grandson to cancer. She feels that the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody is to lose their grandkids. She felt that losing parents is difficult but losing your kids and even worse grandkids is the most painful experience in life.. however Life goes on. She remembers him each and every moment of her life. she showed me his picture on her cell phone screen.
spending 9 hours in London was tough. I started writing few thoughts coming to my mind. Couldn't think of anything except how things would have been different if we were there with him. This will be the biggest regret of my life and will remain the biggest regret of my life forever. All along the way we were thinking of mom as well. Dad loved life and my mom so much that he would want mom to be happy always. We decided that no matter what Mom will not change anything in her life. She will continue to enjoy life like Dad did and would have wanted her to do. We will travel with her, she can wear clothes she like, she can buy anything she wants and enjoy life the same way. Because Dad kept her happy and would want her to stay the same.
All incidences are striking in my brain like a storm. .I want to write down each and everything to keep him alive in our lives but most importantly to keep his memories for my kids and for them to know that " their granddad was the best granddad in the whole universe"""....he was present at all their birthdays if possible... always asked us to celebrate them in a way that we will remember for life....so far we have done well and made each birthday a special one with him in just being present in all of them...he loved food...he traveled the whole world and always wanted us to see the whole world...he loved America and not because we lived here but because he found it to be a place where people are just and he wanted to have his kids and grandkids have a quality life. He did not tell us like all other parents in India who selfishly wish that their kids return back home. He was not a conventional dad at all...that is what made him so great...we visited many places together and he enjoyed the beauty of every place and found immense peace and pleasure in nature. In the morning after he drinks his tea he used to read books in our backyard.....he hears the noise of birds chirping/ water running through a small stream and said" ketlu saaru lage che.. which in Gujarati means' This feels so nice, this is heaven"....
On Halloween: he got a scary mask so that he can have fun on that day...he goes out for trick or treating with kids...him being another kid...he once also went to downtown to see how people dressed....he enjoyed all minute things in life which needed to be enjoyed.
He could spend hours in library....
He was like a kid...loved to go to park every evening with Arya and Reyna, ate lots of chocolates, hid some in secret containers in house to hide it from me...if I found one box and threw it in trash after few days a new one pops up from somewhere.
He wad my best buddy. First thing in the morning which wakes us up is his facetime/ google hangout to see Reyna brushing her teeth while he will be in his office...she will talk some and we hang up again...after shower Reyna goes to dining table to drink milk and as always dada counts till 10, or play chal chal chal mere haathi... or lakdi ki kaathi...songs and Reyna finishes hot milk...we talk some and get a super head start to the day. Last call happens in evening when he calls again after he wakes up and is having his tea/ breakfast. We talk about routine things/ discuss politics/ movie/ talk about my patients ( he loved to hear my patient stories) ironically the few days before he died he told me " Shweta you are blessed to encounter such unique experiences which not many get to experience....you need to write it down. if u don't have time just get a recorder and record them...I will write when I come there or u can hire somebody later to make a book out if this. Please continue and I will regularly keep pushing u to do that." He found the stories of the elderly patients who had so much gong in in their life still in the face of difficulty and how they cope up with everything, very inspiring. He loved to hear my patient stories on how the bond of love grew stronger as years passes in elderly folks. He told me once ' I feel that in spite of my difference with your mom, I love her the most and feel that the bond is getting stronger everyday now.'
My trip to India after my father-in-law passed was the worst trip of my life. we were on plane and there was an Iranian old lady sitting next to me. Seeing me crying and in pain she was concerned and offered me some paper napkin and asked what happened. After I told her what happened she told me ' WE do not have a choice... we don't we wish we had one but we don't. We have to accept it.'' after saying that she was almost in tears and told me that she lost her 10 year old grandson to cancer. She feels that the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody is to lose their grandkids. She felt that losing parents is difficult but losing your kids and even worse grandkids is the most painful experience in life.. however Life goes on. She remembers him each and every moment of her life. she showed me his picture on her cell phone screen.
spending 9 hours in London was tough. I started writing few thoughts coming to my mind. Couldn't think of anything except how things would have been different if we were there with him. This will be the biggest regret of my life and will remain the biggest regret of my life forever. All along the way we were thinking of mom as well. Dad loved life and my mom so much that he would want mom to be happy always. We decided that no matter what Mom will not change anything in her life. She will continue to enjoy life like Dad did and would have wanted her to do. We will travel with her, she can wear clothes she like, she can buy anything she wants and enjoy life the same way. Because Dad kept her happy and would want her to stay the same.
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